Secrets Never Told
by Misha
Summary: I married one man, but loved another for all my life, though it was my secret never to be told. HHr, RHr


Secrets Never Told   
By Misha 

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me! 

Author's Notes- This is an angsty Hermione story, which turned into an answer for Severitus' challenge. I didn't mean for it to happen, but as this was unraveling, having Snape revealed to be Harry's father, just fit so perfectly. This is definitely Harry/Hermione angst, with a dose of Snape/Lily angst, thrown in for good measure. Those are my two favorite Harry Potter pairings and it just worked so well for this fic. Well, that's all, enjoy! 

Pairing- Harry/Hermione, Ron/Hermione, minor Snape/Lily. 

Rating- PG-13 

Summery- I married one man, but loved another for all my life, though it was my secret never to be told. 

Spoilers- All four books.   


* * *

I met my soulmate at the age of eleven. 

The whole world knows this. They just don't know that my soulmate isn't the man I married. 

On a day many years ago, I met two boys who became my best friends. One would become the love of my life. The other would become my husband. 

It's hard to understand the choices I made, sometimes I'm not even sure I do. All I know was that it all came down to a moment, many years ago. 

I was sixteen and more innocent than I would ever be again. It was my sixth year at Hogwarts and Ron and I had been dating for a few months now. We were happy. 

Then Christmas came. Ron went home for Christmas, but Harry and I both stayed. 

That was when it all changed. I still can't tell you how that kiss started, only that did. We both knew it was wrong, we both tried to forget it, but we couldn't. 

That first kiss was the beginning. Falling in love with Harry was something I never planned on. Something I never saw coming. 

It happened over night, one moment he was my best friend, the next he was the boy I would love until the day I died. I did love Ron, truly I did. Just not as I loved Harry. Never that. 

Neither of us wanted to hurt Ron, that's why we **tried** to stay apart. But we couldn't do it. We were drawn to one another. 

So, we began to meet in secret, sharing forbidden kisses and stolen moments. 

In public we kept up the act, pretending that nothing had changed between us. It worked, Ron never suspected a thing. He never realized that his best friend and his girlfriend were betraying him. 

I tried not to think about it. I tried not to think about the mess we were in. 

When I was alone with Harry, it was easy. All I could think about was him. 

I loved him so very much. It seemed so natural for me to give myself to him that first night. It was spring, just before the end of our Sixth year. He used his invisibility cloak to sneak into the girls dorm and we made love for the first time. 

Afterwards, I lay in his arms and wished that I could stay there forever. I hated that we only got stolen moments. 

Still, life carried on as usual. Six months after that night, I slept with Ron for the first time. All I could think about was the fact that he wasn't Harry. I felt so terrible afterwards. 

This situation wasn't fair to anyone, but at the same time I knew Ron loved me and I couldn't break his heart. So, I kept quiet and I suffered in silence, all the while sharing whatever moments I could with Harry. 

Graduation came and with it, the real world. Harry and Ron became Aurors, while I worked at the Ministry as a researcher. We were all doing our part in the fight against Voldemort. 

Ron and I were still together. Harry and I were still sharing our stolen moments. Things went on as always. 

Then, suddenly, things couldn't stay the same anymore. 

The last battle with Voldemort was fast approaching, though we didn't know then that it would be final battle, only that it would be huge. We had been preparing for it for months. 

Right before the battle, Ron asked me to marry him. I didn't answer him then. I couldn't. 

"Wait until the battle is over and then I'll give you your answer." I told him, desperately trying to buy more time. "The time's not right now, not when there's so much going on." 

He accepted my answer with a nod. "I suppose that that's best." He said softly. "But know this, whether or not I survive this battle--I'll always love you." 

"I'll always love you too." I answered, because I had no other choice. Besides, I did love Ron, just not the way he loved me. 

I had no idea what I would say to Ron when this was all over. I didn't know **how** I could marry him. 

Then, the night before the battle, Harry came to me. He told me that he loved me and that he couldn't keep it secret any longer. He wanted us to go public with our love. 

"When the battle's over." He whispered. "We'll wait until then to tell Ron, but... 'Mione, I can't pretend any longer." 

"Neither can I." I whispered. I didn't want to hurt Ron, but neither could I stand the thought of life without Harry. 

The moment had come where I would be forced to choose. If I said no to Ron's proposal, our relationship would end and I'd break his heart. But if I said yes, things between Harry and I would end. 

Finally, I nodded. "After it's over, I'll tell Ron." I whispered. 

Harry smiled and pulled me close to him. "I love you, 'Mione." He whispered against my lips. 

"I love you." I whispered back. "I'll always love you, Harry." 

We made love then and afterwards, as I lay in Harry's arms, I felt more at peace then I had in years. I had finally made my choice. 

But, it was not that simple. 

Harry died in that battle. He destroyed Voldemort once and for all, but at the price of his life. 

When I learnt the news, I felt as if part of me had died too. I was shattered. 

So was Ron, after all he had lost his best friend. 

For a while, he didn't mention his proposal, he was too swept up in his grief. But six weeks after Harry's death, he finally mentioned it again. 

I was quiet for a long moment. Finally, I said yes. There was no reason not to. Harry was gone and I saw no point in breaking Ron's heart over something that was gone. 

Neither of us wanted a big wedding, so a week after I said yes, we eloped. 

A week after that, I realized I was pregnant. I knew instantly that it was Harry's child and I didn't know how to tell Ron. 

Finally, I just told him I was pregnant. He was elated at the idea of becoming a father and I didn't have it in me to tell him that the child wasn't his. 

The next seven months were hard. Ron was so excited about becoming a dad and all I could think about was the fact that Harry would never see a child. I also felt guilty over Ron's excitement and terrified that the child's birth would reveal the truth. 

In the end I got lucky. Eight and a half months after her father's death, Faith Lillian Weasley came into the world. From birth she had her grandmother's red hair. 

I saw it and breathed a sigh of relief. My secret was safe. I had been terrified that my child would be dark like both Harry and I, but by some twist of fate, she had received Harry's mother's hair. It was a little darker than the typical Weasley red, but it was still red enough that she could pass a Weasley. 

I convinced Ron to use Lillian as a middle name as a tribute to Harry. I knew he'd want his daughter to be named after his mother and this was the best I could manage. 

Faith had my brown eyes and her face looked like mine. Though, she was very like me, I could see tiny bits of Harry in her as well, but lucky no one else seemed to. 

In fact, only one person ever guessed my secret and that was most unlikely person indeed. 

After Faith was born, I was surprised to get a visit from Professor Snape. He had brought a bouquet of lilies and a present for Faith. 

I was alone at the time, which was good. I don't think Ron would have taken too kindly to Snape's visit. 

"Potter would be proud." He told me quietly, after he had been there for a few minutes. 

I looked at him shock. "I don't know what you mean." I stumbled. 

He looked me straight in the eye. "Don't bother. It won't work. I would know Lily's grandchild anywhere." 

Then he paused. "_My_ grandchild." 

I stared at him. "What?" 

He gave a bitter laugh. "You were not the first to be in such a predicament. Though, Lily wasn't as lucky as you with the child's appearance, she had to use a spell to cover the truth." 

I was shocked. Snape was Harry's father? It couldn't be true. But I could see from the look in Snape's eyes that it was. 

"I'll tell you the story if you wish to hear." He said in a quiet voice. 

I nodded. "I'd like that." 

So we spent the next hour with Snape telling me a story he had kept secret for over twenty years. 

He started with how he had fallen in love with Lily Evans during their years at Hogwarts. They had dated for a while before breaking up in their sixth year. After a while, Lily had begun to date James, while Severus joined the Death Eaters. 

Then, in the spring of 1979, he began to regret his decision. He had gone to Lily to ask for help in getting out and she had given it, taking him to Dumbledore who believed his story and trusted him when he said he wanted to become a double-agent. 

Lily had been the only one other than Dumbledore to know the truth and she had become his rock, the thing keeping him sane. The love that had never really gone away, came back even stronger and though by this time, Lily was married to James, they weren't able to resist one another. 

Still, the two of them had known that they couldn't be together. Lily didn't want to hurt James, besides it was too dangerous for her to be with Severus, it was blow his position as a spy. 

So, when she became pregnant and they suspected that he was the father, they agreed to pass the child off as James' and never speak the truth. Then, when Harry was born and he was the spitting image of his father, she had cast a spell to make him look like James' instead. 

She took the secret of Harry's paternity to her grave and Severus honored her by never revealing the truth. I asked him why he never claimed Harry after Lily and James' death. 

"Because I thought he was better off as the orphaned son of a hero, then as the son of a former Death Eater." He said quietly. 

He also explained that the reason he had been so cold and cruel to Harry was because it was the only way he could keep himself from revealing the truth. That and he wanted to prepare Harry for the future and knew that the only way to do so was to be as hard on him as possible. 

I could see the grief on his face at the fact that his son had lived and died never really knowing him. 

"He respected you very much." I whispered, giving the only thing I could. "The only person he respected more was Professor Dumbledore." 

That was the truth. Harry had never been fond of Snape, but he had deeply respected him. 

"Thank you." Severus said quietly, his eyes glued to my daughter. 

"If you'd like, you can have a role in her life." I offered. 

"Thank you." Severus said again. "But won't that cause problems with Weasley?" 

"Even if it does, I don't care." I told him. "You're her grandfather, even if no one can ever know. You deserve a part in her life." 

Severus looked at me and for the first time in all the years that I knew him, he smiled. "My son was lucky to have fallen in love with you." He said quietly, then he left. 

After that, he continued to have a place in Faith's life. Ron never understood it, but he accepted it. Severus doted on Faith and she loved 'Papa Severus' very much. 

For my part, I was glad to have someone else know my secret. It made things a little bit easier to have someone who I could talk to when Faith did something that reminded me of Harry. 

Ron and I had three more children, two boys and another girl, all of whom I love dearly. 

But at the same time, Faith was special. As much as I love my other children, Faith will always be Harry's child and that makes her even more dear to me. She was a piece of him that I would always have with me. 

I never stopped mourning for him nor did I ever stop regretting that he wasn't there with me to watch our daughter grow and to share the years. 

Yet, at the same time, I was not unhappy with Ron. He was a good husband and a good companion. We had a good life together, even if it wasn't the life I longed for. 

Thirty years have passed since I lost Harry. I've never told my secret to anyone either than Severus. But, neither have I ever stopped loving Harry. 

No matter how many years pass, my heart still belongs to him. It always has and always will. 

No matter what the world believes. 

The End 


End file.
